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Beautifully Broken

I am broken, but gladly so. The times in my life that have been riddled with trial, filled with brokenness, those are the times when I have felt the closest to God.  The times I have felt the most broken, I have also felt the most whole. There is something about being vulnerable, completely helpless and hurting that shatters some sort of elusive barrier within our very spirit. When we can’t turn to anything else but despair, God draws us close. When fissures open in our heart, God fills them with His presence. Metaphors aside, God has many names, but recently, the name that has described Him best to me is Comforter.

When I have been so utterly despaired, I have been able to hear His voice the clearest. What is this? Why is this? Must we be hurt to hear Him? Why is it that it is the hardest to hear God in times and places where we are not challenged?  Being a Christian isn’t supposed to be easy, I know that, but must we be broken? This question has plagued me for the past while, battered my faith. However, when faith is torn, like bones and tendons, if you allow it to heal it grows back stronger. I still don’t entirely grasp the answer to this question, but I am excited for whichever way God reveals it to me.

God challenges us to question our faith, as we’ll be stronger for it. However, we fear vulnerability. Why is that? As for my current understanding to the question: “Must we be hurt to hear God?”, I don’t think we do. However, I do believe we must make ourselves vulnerable, to others and to God. This, we strongly hesitate to do. If God is the only one who can judge and really know our hearts, why are we so afraid? In fact, I would never be sharing my heart like this if it weren’t for the comfortable distance that the Internet provides. But why is that? Answering: “Because we’re human.” isn’t enough. This sort of question crosses the lines between psychology and spirituality. Yet another pesky question that I will gladly let bruise my faith.

Those of you who are reading this who haven’t had a situation in your life where you have been hurt emotionally or spiritually have probably stopped reading by now, frustrated by the fact that you haven’t been a victim to brokenness. However, just in case you are, in fact, still reading, please stop resenting the protection God has given you! That, more than anything else, is a clear standing testament to His love and care for you. This has already been covered in other articles, but there is nothing wrong with growing up in a Christian home, and not being broken. It is an incredible blessing. Take a good look around the world. Don’t you see what  He has protected you from? Even if it is the opposite, and you have been emotionally decimated, there is always so much to be thankful for.

 “We must learn to stop saying “Why?” and begin to instead say “Thank-you,” “

This is a quote from a devotional my home-room teacher shared with our class recently one morning. At the time, I was inspired, but at the same time I was a little confused. We are told to question our faith, so why shouldn’t we say “Why?” when things go wrong in our lives?

However, that night, there was an incredible amount of brokenness in my home. The kind of family problems that rips at your very heart. My parents got divorced just over a year ago, and all in all, it’s been a rough year. However, I don’t think I’d change any of it, for the person I’ve become through the hardships is a lot stronger than the the person I used to be. Anyways, I remember that night as I was sitting on my bed with tears streaming down my face, utterly despaired, I began to pray. To silently wail before God. I remember, I was about to begin with the word: “Why?”.  However, the devotion from that morning suddenly appeared in my mind, so instead of asking “Why?”, I simply whispered “Thank-you”. The tears flowed faster and faster as I kept repeating it over and over. “Thank-you,”

He was with me. Sitting right next to me. He still and comforting presence… I could feel it. It was absolutely amazing how fast my tears dried as an overwhelming peace overtook my sorrow.  I remember closing my eyes and with my entire being, I begged silently for Him to help me. To help my family, or at least what was left of it. Within a few short minutes, peace befell my home.

This is the sort of everyday miracle that makes the challenges of being a Christian worth it. Because our God is amazing. He will always come through for His children, because as Jesus hung on the cross, bleeding and arguably more broken than any one of us will ever be, he was thinking of you. Don’t be afraid to challenge your faith, trust God to answer, and above all, be thankful.

Because the truth is, our God is a fiercely loyal God.

 

 

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10 comments

  1. Thanks Kira. I really needed to hear this right now. I have been trying to find my way spiritually in this broken world and this really spoke to me. I have recently been looking for God and really needed some encouragement and to know that I am not the only one who struggles with their faith at times. Thanks again for posting this.

    • You’re most welcome :D. I’m really glad that this helped you out. Thanks for commenting, too, because now I know that it really was God telling me to write. I think everyone struggles with their faith, and its really nice to have a God-driven community like 9words to help us out. I’ll pray for you!

  2. Kira, this is amazing, I have tears streaming down my face right now because lately, my God has been seemingly silent, it’s because I am not broken anymore, I remembered when I sat in my room crying, doing the exact same thing you were, and after the first few minutes, the tears stopped and the praying started, but why can’t we always be like that? And listen for God’s voice. It’s so much easier to call for him when we are in need and hear him because there is nothing else to listen to. But it should always be that way, rather than pouring myself into my activities and things that I love, I should be pouring my self into praising God. Thank you. Thank you so much.

  3. You should be a writer or something… That was amazing!

  4. Kira you have given me the words that I have been searching for. My mom and dad seperated 2 years ago and I have been feeling lost ever since. My dad moved to Atlanta and I haven’t seen him a lot since we’re three hours away. Today is the first time I feel l am on the way to healing and God is in that. I have read this article about 8 times already , and I feel like God is speaking to me, telling me that He is loyal and will never leave. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Hi Jenna :). I can tell you that I know that exact feeling of being lost, and you are not alone by far in this sort of struggle. I’m just so inspired and gleeful that this article has helped you :D. I was hesitant to post this, but I just had the feeling that it would help somebody. I suppose that was God speaking! Thank you so much for the comment. Praying for you!

  5. This article is about being close to God in the times when we feel weak, or broken. 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient to you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Thanks Kira, I agree with you. In times where we feel broken or when we are weak is when we are closest to Him, because we are in need of him there. God does challenge our faith because it pulls us closer to him. Through this we learn more about him. Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, and ever- present help in times of trouble.

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