I am tired. Yes, physically… but more so spiritually. I constantly call out to God asking him to renew me and bring me back to him. But nothing ever happens. This disturbed me, but I continued to trust that God would make everything better again. Lately I haven’t really had a whole lot of trust in God. As much as a desperately cry out that I need him to fulfill me, I feel no different, and I still do not have the joy that I desire.
Life is stressful and sometimes quite difficult. It feels like with the buildup of busyness and anxiety I have no time to breath. Encounter is a time for me where I can finally rest and be still in peaceful space. Today was not the case for me though. As I walked into the auditorium I felt the same. Tired, stressed, burned out and done.
As I sat through the message I was bitter towards God. I wanted to be engaged in the word and I wanted to get something out of it, but I couldn’t. And this just made me more upset.
It wasn’t until after the message that anything really started to hit me. As I sat there with a younger boy who was crying and talking to me about life, I began to cry with him. Two more boys came and sat with us and we all sat there praying for each other, and getting things off of our chests. I felt so connected with God through this and it reminded me of the importance of community.
I was reminded of how I was trying to go through these struggles all alone. I didn’t want to tell people that I had lost trust in God , because I didn’t feel like it was all that normal for a christian to be so angered and disturbed by God.
Not all of my problems were solved today. I didn’t magically become closer to God again, but I was reminded of what matters most to me, and I was reminded of what connects me with God. Community.
God has called us together to be there for one another, and to show love and peace. Its hard to do things alone… But it is beautiful to encounter God together, as a community.