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Living Through the Chaos

Sometimes we just need to stop. To take a breath and just look around us without our minds swirling to pieces.

It’s June, and there’s lots of stuff to do. I have lots to do. Too many things for any normal person to even consider. But hey, who said I’m normal? I like being busy and always having something to do. I strive to do my best and make sure I’m able to help others along the way. But am I putting to much on myself? Maybe, but maybe not. I’m not wasting time — everything I’m planning to do this month are things that are important to me. But the manner I do them is what counts.

To often I find myself running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. If you really know me well or even my calendar, I think you may agree with me. I’ve gotten to the point that whenever I sigh or sit down for more than five minutes, my mum just looks at me and gives me that look — “don’t say it, don’t do it!” I think I probably spend more time saying I’m tired than actually sleeping.

Now don’t get me wrong — I love what I’m doing. Regardless, I need time to recharge my batteries. I make compromises. Then I get back at it again. I like my life, actually I love my life and I love who I am. I generally don’t care what others think of me, but I do care that I’m a positive influence and that they know I’m there for them. I want to be a light in the darkness despite my schedule, despite my circumstances.

So the fun part about my life right now: it’s June, and despite all my busyness, life goes and I keep moving. I’m not always sure what I’m moving toward, but that’s faith: complete confidence and trust. I don’t know what my life looks like tomorrow, but that isn’t my problem. That’s in God’s hands anyways, I just need to live life today in a way that makes Him smile. At the end of the day, it’s not about what I did, but who I was. I could do everything on my crazy to do list and be a complete jerk at the same time — and that’s definitely not what I’m going for. Even if I only accomplish two things off my list, but invest in people — that’s way more important. I’m learning to take things one at a time. There are only so many hours in a day and I like to spend at least eight of them sleeping anyway. Get a few things done, be responsible and productive; spend time with the people who are important to me; and shine for God all the way through. Now that’s a good day in my mind.

Living life with my head down won’t get me anywhere. Sure, I’ll survive my calendar, but without looking up I miss all the beauty around me. I don’t want to live life that way. I don’t want to just get through lifeI wanna live life. Live life the the full. I still have my bad days, but I wanna smile and laugh. I wanna go out for coffee with my friends. I wanna love, no matter what my day’s looking like.

Although I plan and I look forward, and sometimes I even dread, and I mess up, each moment is only lasts so long — both the good and the bad. Days turn into weeks, weeks to month, months to years. How am I gonna feel when I look back?

About KatrinaW

Katrina is a young woman who doesn't know exactly what she's doing, or where she's going, but trusting that God will show the way and use her in ways she could never imagine.

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