Who am I? Where do I want to go and what do I want to do with my life? These are questions everyone has asked at one moment or another. All of these questions I have definitely been struggling with the past couple of months and will most likely continue with it for a couple more months. I have had many ideas of who I wanted to be, a gardener, an electrical engineer, computer engineer, wireless engineer, a pastor, a coder. None of these satisfied me. I want something more than this. I want to help people, I want to be the one that they can always go to. How do I do that? I don’t know. I have gone to many things to see if they interested me or I wanted to do it for my life. I have not found anything. I always see these movies with “heroes” where in the end everything is always good. I know in the end it isn’t always good. Because in the movies they don’t focus on all of the people on the side lines. All of the ones who died for what they believe. I want to help people, all of those people on the sidelines. I have ran into some difficulties. 1. How do I meet those people or find those people? 2. What if they don’t trust me? 3. What if I don’t know what to do or can’t do anything? I haven’t answered any of these questions and will probably deal with them for a lot longer. My number one fear is that those people who need me most, that I won’t be able to help them because I will find them different and despise them like everyone else. Or that I won’t be able to do it because of fear of losing my friends. I want to be that hero. How can I do that? I don’t know. How do I get there? I don’t know. What am I going to do for my life? I don’t know. And you know it’s OK not to know. I just got to keep moving and trust God. I just gotta keep walking.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.