Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
Addictions are becoming more and more prominent in everyday life now. Maybe you’re addicted to something but no one really knows about it. Or maybe you have things that make it visible.
Everyone learns ways to cope differently, maybe its healthy, or disruptive.
You might be addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or sex, or self-harm, the list goes on. But all of the unhealthy ways of coping are very serious. They don’t make you less of a person, they don’t make you damaged. Addictions are a hard thing to overcome, its a constant fight. It’s a lot harder to do if you don’t have any support though.
Over the last four years, I have been struggling with addictions. A few of them only lasted a little while, but they are still there sometimes. I have had some very difficult addictions for the last four years. I am working really hard to recover but it has been hard. I started when I was only twelve years old. I hated myself, I was in a bad place, and I took it on myself. I refused help. I pushed my parents away, I got myself some friends that were terrible influences on me. It just got worse. I was a very troubled child. I had some overwhelming problems.
Last year my parents got me help. I hated it at first. I was in an in-patient program, I was gone from home from Sunday until Friday, and I ended up having to stay the weekends as well. At one point, I had stayed there for over four weeks in a row without going home. It was hard. But some of the people there were incredible. They showed me so much love. They supported me all of the eight months I was there. They kept me safe when I couldn’t. They were my family away from home. There was one nurse that would take me outside right before bed, and we would talk about trucks, and the country life. There was one day that I had came back to the program after being at home, and I had relapsed, and it was bad. She sat with me for an hour and a half, making sure I was okay. Although its a bad memory in my mind, it was nice to have someone there for me.
I have had a crazy range of emotions through my recovery. I am becoming better now, but only if I keep up to date with my meds. I know how hard this journey is. I don’t exactly know what you are going through, but I understand the pain. Its overwhelming, it controls what you do. I remember days that I couldn’t go through a day because of how harsh the triggers were. This is hard to do without help. But its even harder to accept the help, but trust me it’s worth it. Even if you only accept it within yourself, its a start.
You may be scared to help yourself and that is OKAY. But when you’re ready, find someone you trust, someone who is going to be there for you. And you know what, there is someone who will ALWAYS be there for you, his name is God. He isn’t ashamed of you, he is feeling your pain. He wants to help you. He wants his beautiful creation to be happy, proud, and loved, not just by others, but more importantly by yourself. Whenever I’m triggered, I pick up my Bible and pray. It helps. It gives me strength, He gives me strength.
If you would like to talk to me about some stuff, find me in the hallway. You can do this, you deserve to be happy. Please remember you are worth it.