I got home from the NWT on Sunday. I don’t feel the raging sense of loss I felt after leaving Los Angeles. I don’t feel the overwhelming joy I felt after coming home from the same place last Summer. I just feel a little lost.
While I was there I came into contact with the kind of poverty and darkness I wasn’t really prepared for. Some of the girls in my cabin have iPads but live in houses without running water. Some of my girls live in homes where they are abused so much that they have to stay at friend’s houses making them basically homeless.
I don’t know what I was expecting, I knew of the poverty and heartbreak that is all too prevalent up there but I guess I never really realized the consequences of poverty and abuse. I still don’t think I realize all the implications of the places my little sisters live in.
It seems as though they are so hurt that they don’t even realize it. They smile and they laugh and talk about horrible things as though it is normal.
I know that God is bigger than the darkness and that He knows everything that goes on in their homes. I know that He brings light and scrapes away the scales on eyes. I think right now I’m trying to figure out my role in all this.
It is not my job to change lives- that’s God’s job. It’s not my job to change situations- that might be the government’s job, I don’t know anymore. It is my job to pour as much love and attention into their lives and possible.
What form does that love take? Does it take tucking in before bed? Does it take praying for them? Does it take giving them Bibles and showing them some favourite verses even if I’m not convinced they can read them? Does it take a game of tether ball and some one on one attention? Does it take giving them the discipline that nobody else will?
Somebody once called me an intercessor. I didn’t really know what that meant at the time so I just nodded and said thank you.
This is what google gave me:
a person who intervenes on behalf of another, especially by prayer.
So maybe my role right now is praying for my little sisters and asking God to please, please, please bring some light into their lives.
I’m halfway gone, sleepless I’m battle-worn
You’re all I want, so bring me the dawn
I need the sun to break, you’ve woken up my heart
I’m shaking, all my luck could change
Been in the dark for weeks and I’ve realized you’re all I need
The sun will break in their lives. My Lord moves the clouds.