Heaven. What is it?
I have really struggled with the idea of Heaven. In my times of being against God, and even during my perfectly sound ones; the idea of Heaven has frightened me.
Death itself is such a terrifying topic, because it’s secrets lie beyond where human minds can travel. For me, being uncertain of something is one of the worst feelings. I strive to know exactly what is going on in all situations; so leaving me in the dark is an unwise decision.
In fact, heaven was one of the reasons I stopped fully trusting in God. What happens after I die is much more important to me than what will happen while I’m alive, and I could never understand why God wouldn’t give us the answer. I vaguely understood that it was a loyalty thing, but I couldn’t accept that God wanted me to go all in without knowing. For the longest time, the reason I was Christian, was to have a chance at life after death.
This is not ideal for many reasons, but it was my reality all the same. There was a point where I was physically sick over the idea of Heaven. I didn’t know how exactly to get in, but was aware that there were a set of rules I needed to follow. I couldn’t really understand them, and they didn’t particularly appeal to me. Instead of talking to people who had more knowledge than myself about God and Heaven, I decided to lie awake at night; paralyzed with fear. It took a considerable amount of time, but I eventually opened up to someone. Oddly enough, it was my father. The atheist.
He gave me better advice than any well educated Christian, at camp or at school. He told me: “Be a good person, no matter what. Live your life the way you want, only make sure you are kind to all. If you are the best person you can be, God can not ask for any more than that. If you stand before him, having tried your true best, and He turns you away from Heaven; He is not worth it.”
This gave me true comfort. One thing I know of God is that He is merciful. I know that He will take anyone who tried their best in life to Heaven. He made each and every one of us; each person’s best must have been good enough for him before. God could not, and would not, make your best less than any other. We are all equal in His eyes.
Do not worry over the idea of Heaven, or any other destination after life. Believe in what suits you, but do your best in all you do. Anything worth anything, in life or death, requires 100%. All that I know, as a Christian, is that this is my only time on Earth. I would like to live my life to its full potential, and worry is not on my agenda. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I do not believe that I will follow any particular rules set in the Bible.
With the exceptions of common sense, (do not murder, for example) I will live by the rules and regulations put in place for my own body. If you feel you are not living up to the expectations God has set in place for you, stop stressing. I believe, God will not send you away from Heaven if you choose to love someone of the same gender; or if you decide for yourself when to lose your virginity. God is forgiving, he will love you no matter what path you take in life.