Admit it… It’s easier to run away.
It’s easier to pretend that you didn’t just spend the better half of your night in tears. Who wants to? Some problems just get too heavy, that we’d rather stay silent and act like our backs aren’t about to break. We smile and laugh, putting band aids on the bullet holes, trying to glue back together what is broken into infinite pieces. But you don’t want to say anything. No, because that would mean having to face what broke us. Maybe being real with others and our selves, and that’s too difficult.
So you walk around, each chain dragging your footsteps behind you until you can barely breathe. And you sit there. Overcome by numbness and this hideous cloud that seems to dampen every possible trace of happiness. You crave the feeling of a genuine smile because lately those have been hard to imitate. Retracing the same footsteps you took yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. And honestly, reading the bible wouldn’t really change anything because all you see are words. Nothing really speaks out to you because you’ve read the same stories a hundred times, each one more stale than the next. They advocate stories of inspiration, miracles by the fold, and people who are strong in their faith.
Then you think, that can never be me. I haven’t moved mountains or won battles. I’m not a king. My faith is weary and I don’t think God can even hear me. Telling anyone would be useless because they would just say something like, “it’s because you’re not trying hard enough” You’re stuck in this perpetual haze, surrounded by people who would judge the very ground you walk on. Add in the expectations you’re supposed to follow in this society, and all this stress from school. Maybe problems that might circulating your family and you get…a confused mess.
Where is this God? Why has my father forsaken me? It’s aggravating. Crying out to a God you’re not even sure exists… Sound familiar? Maybe. Maybe not, but I know I’m not the only one. In fact, most everyone I’ve talked to have had this kind of crisis before letting go their faith. Maybe some of us are on the verge of doing so… it’s quite easy to get here. To question everything as life gradually falls apart beside you. Maybe you have a good life but your friends don’t. Maybe you know someone that’s facing unimaginable circumstances… and its hard. How do you love unconditionally the one who seems to be nowhere? To trust the one that couldn’t uphold their promises?
There it is. That question. To trust the one that couldn’t uphold their promises. But allow me to ask you this… is there any place in the bible that promises an easy life along with Christianity? Quite the opposite, actually. He does promise to be our stronghold in times of trouble (Psalm 9:9-10), but he also acknowledges that there will be times of tempest (John 16:33). If you’re wondering whether or not that was supposed to give you some kind of peace or serenity, the answer is no. This life was not one meant to be easy. You can’t run up the uphill battle, but you can definitely walk through it. Survive it, though not alone. Have questions? Ask ’em. And don’t be afraid to be broken, because how else are you supposed to find yourself again? Talk to somebody. Anyone. I promise it will help. And last of fall, find a way to be happy again, to love again, to live again. Maybe with God. I can’t give you all the answers, but I can give you hope. Because I have been here, and it does get better.
Hang tight folks.